Managing Challenging Behaviours in Your Children
Matthew McKenzie, Clinical Psychologist
Getting your child to cooperate with you can be one of the most challenging experiences as a parent. However, it can be achieved if you’re willing to adjust a few things. Changing the child’s environment is key; your attitudes, behaviours, rules, methods of discipline and lifestyle constitute the environment in which your child lives.
your attitudes, behaviours, rules, methods of discipline and lifestyle
constitute the ENVIRONMENT in which your child lives.
One of the things parents are always hungry for answers about is the root of the challenging behaviours in children. Some of the more pronounced ones are inconsistent discipline, excessive punishment of the child, lack of parental supervision and angry adult role models. One thing’s clear – many of the factors are under parental control and can be eliminated by parents, if parents choose to do so.
In some families parents consistently fail to notice, praise and reward the child’s good behaviour. The child therefore has little reason to display good behaviour, because he knows his parent/s will not respond to it. It is also the case in these families that parents angrily respond to the child’s bad or inappropriate behaviour. Thus these behavioural problems become a means by which children gain some attention from their parents, even if it’s negative attention.
In some of these families parents allow all kinds of misbehaviour to go unchecked and then periodically the crack down on the child with excessively harsh or abusive punishment; almost as if this punishment is payment for everything negative that the child has done over the past three months. Such inconsistent behaviours by parents place defiant children at greater risk for full-blown antisocial behaviour in adolescence and later life.
“inconsistent behaviours by parents place defiant children at
greater risk for full-blown antisocial behaviour in later life”
Over-reliance on punishment is an approach that creates many more problems than it solves. Excessive use of punishment trains the child to lie and to engage in sneaky behaviour to avoid punishment. Children may begin to feel fearful of their parents and actively avoid them. Punishment for bad behaviour should preferably be used sparingly. For punishment to be effective it has to be used as little as possible; occur immediately after the child displays unwanted behaviour; be carried out in the same manner each time; be handled in a calm business-like way; and be of short duration.
The key is consistency. When you do not enforce the rules of your home consistently, your child learns that sometimes I can get away with it. Keeping even a few of these things in mind can go a long way to help you manage your child’s behaviour more effectively. Remember, there are no bad children, just bad behaviours and so when we punish, we seek to punish the behaviour and not the child.
This article first appeared in the CHILD’S MONTH SUPPLEMENT of the Paediatric Association of Jamaica,
Gleaner May, 2013
Matthew McKenzie is a Clinical Psychologist at Tots to Teens.
He can be contacted via the office or via email at matthew.mckenzie@caribbeantotstoteens.com
Learn MoreArt Therapy for parents with children who have special needs.
Six-week summer programme with our own Leslie – Ann Belnavis. Call us at 978-8535 or email jamarttherapist@caribbeantotstoteens.com for further information.
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Here we share a video from RealLookAutism which demonstrates the use of Art Therapy as a tool in improving social interaction, vocabulary building, decision making skills, as well as fine and gross motor skills. Not every child is a “fit” for Art Therapy, but this young fellow certainly is engaged in the process. Does you child gravitate towards any art form? DO you think it is important to offer children a variety of experiences in Art? [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc2J6WZvfUY?rel=0&w=853&h=480] Learn MoreIS AUTISM REALLY A PUZZLE? THE POWER OF A CAMERA
I thought my experience with this little boy (whose name I was unable to get) was very profound as it never involved “words” but the true understanding of non-verbal communication and the strength of understanding its power when dealing with someone diagnosed with Autism.
On April 2, 2013, JASA (Jamaica Autism Support Association) put on a presentation at UWI addressing the prevalence of Autism and research that had been done in Jamaica. There was a little boy there who notable made a lot of sounds which for some may have been highly distracting. I discovered later that he had Autism. I happened to have my camera with me taking pictures of the speakers. I saw him through the corner of my eye, etching his way over to me with smiling eyes but would return to where his mother sat. He repeated this action a couple of times. Finally he came over pointing to my camera lens. His ‘words’ sounded like babble but I understood it clearly. He was talking in the best way he could to me about the camera and wanting to play with it. This moment organically evolved as I naturally encouraged him to stand in front of me, placing the camera cord on his shoulders while we explored the camera allowing him to take pictures. He returned to his mom and funny enough he started making the loud sounds again. She immediately sent him back to where I was sitting, which I found amusing. He came over and we explored the camera some more with me telling him how to use the camera. My words may have been too complex but he stayed with me holding and using the camera. Eventually he returned to his mother but was noticeably quieter in his interaction with her.
Later on, I moved to the front of the room to take more pictures of Kathy Chang, Dr. Samms-Vaughan & Dr. Garbutt. We all could hear this little voice shouting (his words were not specific) and running up to where I sat. He came up to me still shouting and touched the camera. It was as if he was saying, “Lesli I want to see the camera”. I allowed him to explore it and took his hand and we walked to the banner entitled “April is Autism Awareness Month” and had him takes pictures with the camera. We returned to the presentation and he was extremely calm compared to before. This little boy was probably no more than three years old and had never met me before but somehow connected and “communicated” with me through the camera. While this may not have been an art therapy session, it was clearly an indication of the power and awareness needed to understand the different ways in which a person diagnosed with Autism may communicate. In this case the camera served as a powerful tool.
Lesli-Ann Belnavis, Art Therapist, Caribbean Tots to Teens
Learn MoreJAMAICA: Free public forum dedicated to children and their well-being.
Knowledge is power! Come, learn, share.
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We enjoyed this presentation by Cathy Malchiodi. Her experiences as an Art Therapist are very instructive.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHu6909NTTc?rel=0&w=853&h=480] Learn MoreAn Attitude of Gratitude
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We are overwhelmed with THINGS! Things that demand our attention. Parents have a skill for seeing what their kids don’t even think they can see 🙂 Sometimes though, we must STOP and give our full attention to what we are being told. Take the time to LOOK at your child while they are talking to you tonight at bedtime.
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Back to School: Are you S-E-T? Mr Alexis Goffe speaks
Back to School: Are you S-E-T? Mr Alexis Goffe speaks on Smile Jamaica TVJ about parents being S-E-T – establish a STRUCTURE, plan a healthy weekly menu to ensure ease of shopping and nutritious EATING and last, but not least…make time to listen and TALK to your little student this term.
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