Teens &Transitions

Once a Spouse, Always a Parent

Three Ways to Help Your Child through Divorce or Separation

While marriage in Jamaica has decreased from 22,152 in 2008 to 20,489 in 2010, divorce is on the rise with 1,654 and 2,371 cases being reported in 2008 and 2010 respectively (STATIN). Additionally, recommendations have been made for an easier divorce process in an attempt to address the current backlog in the courts. One can assume that increasing numbers of co-habiting and common–law parents are also separating. Despite the increase in parental separation, many mothers and fathers have little or no idea of how best to handle this stress both for themselves and for their children.

TIP ONE: Self Care

First things first; make sure you are taking care of yourself. Use healthy coping mechanisms such as exercising and enlisting the support of loved ones. If you find yourself withdrawing socially or being overwhelmed at work, seek counselling. Separation is one of the TOP THREE highest stressors for any adult in the world. Self-care is vital because children worry. It is important to minimize how much your child worries about you and it is even more important that you DO NOT let your child take care of you.  

TIP TWO: Create a Child Relations (CR) Campaign

Children deserve to be given updates from the moment divorce/separation is imminent, throughout the process and after the separation. Both parents need to discuss, develop and carefully plan how they intend to handle this process with children. Your plan should take into account your child’s age*. Remember:-

1)     Be honest – Parents want to protect their children and keeping the truth away from them is a common strategy. While parents mean well, hiding the truth may do more harm than good. Children are intuitive and will realise that “something is not right.” They may create their own explanations about what is happening and often time blame themselves. Children deserve the truth especially when it concerns a potentially challenging experience for the child.

2)     Be simple and straightforward – Children respond better to simple and direct explanations. Both parents need to work together to ensure that your child:

i)     is reassured that they are loved by both parents,

ii)     knows they are not the reason for the divorce and

iii)     feels free to ask questions.

TIP THREE: Maintain Routine

For many, change is hard and the uncertain, scary. Trying to cope with too many changes at once can be difficult for children. As a result, parents must make a major effort to maintain stability. Avoid, as much as possible, significant changes to your child’s bed times, morning routine, pickups and drop offs to dance, extra lessons or sports. Discipline must be agreed and maintained. Do not allow your child to play adults against each other. Maintaining a united front at this time of upheaval will reassure your child that they do not have to be “in charge” and it will make future challenges of co-parenting easier for all. And most importantly, the signs of affection: hugs, kisses and “I love you’s” should flow as freely as before the changes began.

*Check out Part 2 for age appropriate suggestions.

Alexis Goffe is a masters level counselling psychologist at Caribbean Tots to Teens. He can be reached at alexis@caribbeantotstoteens.com A slightly modified version of this article was published in the Paediatric Association of Jamaica’s Child Month Supplement in the Jamaica Gleaner on May 8th, 2012.

We have promised them much….

We have promised much….

A Report Card on adolescents: UNICEF April 2012

For adolescents around the world, report cards
present a measure of their academic progress – and
can point the way towards their futures. But how does
the global community measure up in our efforts to
give those young people the futures they deserve –
and the tools and opportunities to make the most
of their lives?

As the 10th edition of UNICEF’s Progress for Children
shows, this report card is mixed. For while we have
made significant progress for millions of children over
the last decades – reducing child mortality, increasing
the number of children enrolled in primary school,
expanding access to health care services – our efforts
have left behind far too many adolescents between the
ages of 10 and 19.

We must reach them. For adolescence is not only a
pivotal time in the life of a child – the gateway to adulthood.
It is also a critical opportunity to make progress
for all children. And it is a stage of life in which we must
invest more attention, resources and effort today, or
suffer tomorrow the social and economic consequences
of a generation less equipped to become fully contributing
members of society.

Today’s adolescents were born under the auspices and
protections of the Convention of the Rights of the Child.
They are the children of the Millennium Declaration,
reared during a decade of unprecedented global effort to
create a more peaceful, prosperous and equitable world.
We have promised them much; and we must deliver.

Ending our Relationship with Tobacco

~ Alexis Goffe, Counselling Psychologist

On February 16 2012, I attended the Jamaica Cancer Society’s Anti-Tobacco Forum that was attended by over two hundred high school students. While much information was presented, three main facts stood out for me:

1)      Tobacco is a serial killer – In the 20^th century, tobacco killed 100 million people worldwide. If the current trend continues, by the end of the 21^st century, tobacco will kill 1 billion people worldwide. In Jamaica, reports show an increase in the number of tobacco-related chronic illness cases with Government hospitals reporting 2,255 cases in 2006 and 3,893 in 2008. Extrapolations based on data from the U.S.A estimate that of the 3,200 Jamaicans who die from cancer yearly, 960 are tobacco related.

2)      Tobacco is a gold digger –The cost of a pack of cigarettes typically ranges from $550 to $700. If a Jamaican smokes one pack a day, they can easily spend over $200,000 a year. That is not an inconsequential amount of money. How many trips to the grocery store does that cover? How many gas tanks can that fill? How many university credits could be bought?  Tobacco not only breaks individuals’ pockets, but it targets the country’s pocket as well. Jamaican health care institutions have spent an estimated US$4 billion since 1980 on tobacco-related illness.

Tobacco wants a high maintenance

abusive

potentially deadly relationship with us

yet 1 in 5 Jamaicans have used tobacco in their lifetime

and over 80,000 youth in Jamaica smoke cigarettes.

Why?

There are the common reasons given: peer pressure, to be cool and learned behaviour from family members. However, in my work counselling adolescents there is a major reason that requires attention; it is one of the most common ways youth have found to cope with the immense challenges of modern times. As a result, telling someone to stop smoking can be the equivalent to telling them to stop a relationship with their best friend.

This leads me to the third fact:

3)  Tobacco control is a must –

1.  On a macro level, Jamaica signed the Framework Convention on Tobacco Control in 2005 and there is a bill waiting to be passed in Parliament. This bill includes measures such as banning smoking in public places, banning the sales of tobacco to minors, stricter regulations on advertising and sales and placing graphic health warnings on packs of cigarettes. If passed, this will make Jamaica the third smoke-free CARICOM country along with Barbados and Trinidad.
2. On an individual level, we must provide our children and adolescents with healthy coping strategies. Get them involved in church activities, sports, reading and artistic and creative outlets. Help our children and adolescents develop healthy relationships with peers and positive role models. We must ensure that they have people and activities that support them in their good and bad moments.

On February 16 2012, I joined the movement to help

Jamaicans say NO to tobacco

and

YES to a better and more fulfilling life.

Will you?

 Alexis Goffe is a counselling psychologist at Caribbean Tots to Teens. He can be reached at alexis@caribbeantotstoteens.com

Policy Statement—Media Education ~American Academy of Pediatrics Sept 2010

There are numerous studies that demonstrate the dangers of over exposure to media for children. In this revised document from the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) new research is brought o bear on the rapidly expanding problem of electronic media and child development.

Language delay, Obesity and Aggression are only a few of the developmental problems directly related to excessive exposure to media in childhood and adolescence.

Policy Statement—Media Education.

IMPORTANT TAKE HOME TIPS for parents include

1. Toddlers under age 2 years SHOULD NOT Be using electronic media AT ALL. (special report)

2. NO television, video games or electronic play (ePlay) devices should be in the child’s bedroom.

3. Limit and focus time spent with electronic media: No more than 2 hours a day should be spent in ePlay; electronic entertainment for any child between 2 years and 16 years old. The TV should never be a babysitter.

4. Be a good example to your children: let them see you engaging in other forms of entertainment. Make it a point for family discussion adventure.

Change involves the whole family and creative, consistent thought, but it doesn’t have to be expensive. Healthy Lifestyle choices today build a Healthy Future for tomorrow.

Texting improves Language Skills?!?!

Texting improves language skills?! So says a report by BBC News based on research  by Coventry University, looking at pre-teens who text. The study was published in the British Journal of Developmental Psychology

Sports Drinks and Healthy Hydration

Sports drinks, fruit drinks, soda and any other sugar-laced drink will never be good for children. Its just not nutrition.

breaking-muscle:

Kids and Sports Drinks: Healthy Hydration or Soda Incognito?

Sports drinks may seem like a healthier kid’s beverage than soda and other sugary beverages, but that’s not necessarily the case. In fact, last week a bill sponsored by the California Medical Association was proposed that would ban the sale of all sports drinks, including Gatorade and Powerade, in middle school and high school cafeterias. Sports drinks are already banned in California elementary schools. The bill would act as an amendment to the existing code that bans the sale of soda in schools.

http://breakingmuscle.com/nutrition/kids-and-sports-drinks-healthy-hydration-or-soda-incognito

“Sweets” Ban at School Parties

“Sweets” Ban at School Parties

When FRUIT is served with cake and other sugary sweets, the amount of calories children consume actually falls by 100-200 calories per child!

Could this type of restrictive guideline work in Caribbean schools?

The study shows that kids can eat as many as one-third of all the calories they need in a day at a typical half-hour birthday party.

And those calories are coming from foods high in fat and sugar and low in nutrients — such as cake, fruit punch, ice cream, and chips.

Active Video Games Don’t Mean Exercise

Active Video Games Don’t Mean Kids Exercise More.

A study conducted by Dr. Tom Baranowski and his colleagues shows disappointing results from active video game use. Reported on February 27, 2012 in the American Academy of Paediatrics Journal: 

…kids who were given so-called active video games to play on a Nintendo Wii didn’t end up logging any more moderate or vigorous physical activity than those given games they could play sitting on the couch.

“We expected that playing the video games would in fact lead to a substantial increase in physical activity in the children,” Dr. Baranowski told Reuters Health. “Frankly we were shocked by the complete lack of difference.”

So, its still up to parents to implement some real time for play and excercise.

The American Academy of Paediatrics also recommends limiting electronic screen time in all age groups.