Parental Support Critical to School Development
In a letter published in the Gleaner today, the critical role of parents is highlighted as one of the three MAIN factors in school development.
A school becomes competitive when it has an effective principal, disciplined students and good parental support. Check many of these non-traditional high schools and see if they have those three driving factors.
We wholeheartedly agree that parents cannot “sit back and rest once” their child begins secondary school studies. We support all efforts to equip and support parents in their continuing essential role in child development and school development.
Learn MoreAlso, too many parents are laid back. They don’t care about what goes on at their children’s school. It is time they demand that the school improves in the areas that keep the school rooted at the bottom of the academic rankings. After all, they are the main stakeholders in the school and need to use up their power.
A-U-T-I-S-M: on the outside looking in.
Autism is a spectrum disorder. That means that each child can be affected in different ways and each child can be helped in different ways. As the number of children diagnosed with autism rises all over the world, chances are, right here in the Caribbean, you already know a family who is challenged with this disorder.
We all know that saying things like…
Why don’t you leave your child at home?
Your child is frightening my children!
I am so sorry for you.
Why don’t you try the gluten-free, live-food diet?
…are all painful, insensitive and unnecessary statements. But what SHOULD you say or do when a friend tells you their child has been diagnosed with autism? We have a few suggestions.
A Ask how you can help
U Understand how the family feels
T Teach your children about autism
I Individualize the Issues
S Support the cause and share all you learn
M Make memories: Celebrate the joys! Share the sorrows.
Ask how you can help
Never assume you know what the family needs. Sometimes they may need a babysitter for a few hours. Maybe they need help with the non autistic children, to allow them to spend more time with their autistic child. Sometimes offering to visit the house when there is no babysitter is just the ticket to include a Mommy who may be feeling overwhelmed or left out. A listening ear, offered with a non-judgemental heart, is a rare and precious gift. Do you have one to share?
Understand how the family feels
Allow the family to lead the way. Ask them how they feel. Not every day is a ‘bad day’. Children with autism develop, learn and change and just like parenting any child; parenting a child with autism has its ups and downs. Never assume that parents are feeling sorry for themselves.
Teach other children
Children can be cruel. Children are always curious. Teach other children how they can play with children with autism. Teach your children to accommodate and interact with your friend’s child with autism. Prevent bullying and discrimination. Teach kindness.
Individualize the Issues
Let the parent and family know that you do NOT know about THEIR child’s disorder. Even if you have experience with an individual with autism before, every child is different. Ask them to tell you more. What makes their child different? Is there something you should do to prepare for when that child is coming to visit? Is there anything they cannot or should not eat? Become aware of the special needs and be supportive in a meaningful way.
Support and share what you learn
Support the cause in any way you can: can you help with the website, sell raffle tickets, or simply tell another friend how to help. Share everything you know. Be a voice for the cause.
Make Memories
Children with autism can achieve goals. They can develop. They can be naughty. They are children, before they are children with autism. Parents of children with autism can be great parents. They can be interactive and fun parents. They can be tired and frustrated parents. They enjoy parenting. They love their children. Celebrate the JOYS, Share the Sorrows. Your presence and caring can mean so much to a family that often feels misunderstood, rejected and alone.
Autism Awareness Month in Jamaica has begun again and the national and individual challenges for children with autism and their parents continue. Let’s do all we can to support them.
We at Tots to Teens are happy to have a team of therapists who offer Assessment, Counselling Psychotherapy (for talkers) and Art Therapy (especially for “non-talkers” or pre-verbal clients) to children and families of children with CHRONIC ILLNESSES. We are working to be an excellent source of professional help to Jamaican families dealing with these sensitive and specific issues. Call us at the Office of Tots to Teens: 978.8535 or email us for more information info@caribbeantotstoteens.com.
Learn MoreYou can’t hurry love: Handling your child’s Valentine’s Day blues
Heart Hands
by Alexis Goffe
The unfortunate truth is: Valentine’s Day is not a special day of love, flowers or chocolates for everyone. What is even more unfortunate is that the negative feelings of being unloved, not special, rejected, lonely or even unattractive on Valentine’s Day can be experienced by our children. This truth can be extremely hard for children as early as prep/primary school. A guidance counsellor once told me that his granddaughter who is in Grade 2 was heard asking a male classmate, “Do you love me? It’s ok, I can handle the truth!” Being hurt knows no age; or gender for that matter. We tend to think that Valentine’s Day is a potentially challenging time for girls. However, boys are just as susceptible to these feelings as girls.
Here are four suggestions for handling your child’s experiences around Valentine’s Day:-
Listen
Find out if your child is experiencing any feelings surrounding Valentine’s Day. Do they have plans? Are they planning to ask someone to be their valentine? How are they feeling about having a valentine or not having a valentine? During this conversation, listen to your child and listen well. Give them your undivided attention and create a space for your child to be open and honest.
Offer support
Once you know the child’s thoughts and feelings surrounding Valentine’s Day, thank them for allowing you into their world. Let them know how important it is to be able to tell safe people about their feelings in good and bad times. You can do two things at this point: i) Ask them how best you can support them or ii) Ask for their permission to give them some advice.
Validate feelings
This is one of my favourites. Let your child know it is ok to feel down if they do not have a valentine. One of the best ways to normalize their feelings is to tell them a story of a time you experienced similar feelings and how you handled them. It is important not to trivialize your child’s feelings or categorize it as “being young.” Legitimize their feelings as much as possible.
Encourage family time
Times of loneliness for our children are prime opportunities to reinforce the love you have for your child. Planning family activities on Valentine’s Day can be a great way to lessen negative feelings and strengthen the family bond. Possible activities include watching a movie, having a special family dinner, playing a game, creating an arts and craft project or seeing a play.
Parents must provide an environment of love, acceptance and warmth for their children. Show them the type of love and respect you want them to expect, demand and experience in their future relationships.
We know children may want to find love and find it quick. So parents, take this opportunity to remind your child that – while they can’t hurry love, they will just have to wait and it doesn’t come easy – the love you have for them is already present and everlasting.
Alexis Goffe is a counselling psychologist at Caribbean Tots to Teens. He can be reached at alexis@caribbeantotstoteens.com
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